Tag Archive | Ayya Adhimutta

Adhimutta Bhikkhuni: What is it like being a Bhikkhuni?

reflections on a question posed by a friend, shortly after ordination, August 2010.

Well, just normal and natural, no big deal – it’s easier to write about what it is like not being able to ordain, what it is like being held in other forms of ordination when one is ready to unfold, how it is when a natural progression is interrupted, what that energetic blocking is like and all the justifications and complications and repressions and denials and convolutions needed to keep this in place.

Adhimutta Bhikkhuni

Adhimutta Bhikkhuni

But then, when a flower unfolds, opens out under the sun with moisture from the earth just as it should, it’s very beautiful, normal and natural, and a joy and pleasure arise from the beauty of just the ordinary and yet the extra-ordinary too.

When things are working well they are almost not noticed. Just as after a long period of illness one  really notices the pleasure of lack of illness – when something has been giving pain for a long time one really notices and appreciates the lack of pain, the ease in this.  But the lack of pain is in some ways nothing special also – except the miracle of so many things having to be working well for there to be this ease – and if there is an ease in suffering after a long time of illness, and when there have been many things wrong, then it is very miraculous, very lovely.

Spaces where normal and natural unfolding is possible are very precious – like good friends, jewels radiate through a lifetime, and make a whole life beautiful, something to be treasured deeply. Yet, at the time, one just enjoys that space, that easy companionship – and afterwards looking back see how this companionship made so much possible, but at the time it just is.

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Ayya Adhimutta: My Going Forth

Editor’s Note: Ayya Adhimutta is a Bhikkhuni from New Zealand currently residing at Aranya Bodhi Hermitage in northern California, with her pavattani, Ayya Tathaaloka.

This piece was written after her samaneri ordination in 2008, and she has kindly given permission for us to reprint it here. We are hoping she can write a companion piece about her Bhikkhuni ordination soon.


On March 9, 2008, I went forth from home to homelessness with my bhikkhuni teacher Ayya Tathaaloka as upajjaya. Under more ‘normal’ circumstances, I would then have taken dependence on Ayya Tathaaloka and the Bhikkhuni Sangha for my training; but in reflection of the times (and in reflection of his great generosity and compassion), I then went across to the Bhikkhu Sangha and took dependence on Bhante Sujato.

Since I first ordained as a mae chee in Thailand (2005), I’ve learned through (sometimes bitter) experience, the importance of space and support – physical, psychological and intellectual as well as spiritual – for the holy life to be well lived. I hope that this samaneri ordination will mark the beginning of a new era within our tradition (The Forest Tradition) and after this, as a woman, one will be able to go forth within a context which assumes the natural progression of samaneri status to full ordination as a bhikkhuni.

For myself, after experiencing other forms of ordination, there is a sense of rightness and flow to this progression, it feels like bones that have long been misaligned and caused so much distress are now in their natural place. I appreciate the courage, integrity and great beauty of the many women before me who managed to carve out a coherent monastic life with 10 precept ordination. I am grateful and inspired by the work they have done; the ground they have prepared; the way they have grown in often difficult and unsupportive conditions. For myself, however, ten-precept ordination has a feeling of incompleteness.

Until very recently, bhikkhuni ordination was a bit of a ‘non-issue’ within the Thai Forest Tradition. There was this idea that the Bhikkhuni Sangha had died out 1000 years ago and that it can not be revived. Therefore, women should be content with other forms of ordination – as mae chee, or ten precept nuns, and that the full ordination is not necessary for them. So, it was within a wider monastic context shaped by these sort of ideas that I first came to Santi as little as a year ago.

At Santi, even back then, things were a little different. A dual Sangha was living here and with great joy I had the opportunity to serve both bhikkhus and bhikkhuni. Furthermore, at issues such as women’s place and situation in buddhism, bhikkhuni ordination and so on (issues which form the texture and rhythm of my monastic life as a woman) were actively engaged with, discussed and debated. Outside of this small monastery, however, these issues were largely ignored and pushed to one side. The image and loyalty to an all male sangha, within the mainstream and backed by tradition, had a resiliance and a strength that it was almost impossible to stand up to.

In order to create this space for bhikkhuni ordination to take root and flourish, there had to be a countercurrent to the mainstream within the river of our tradition. A special combination of skills and factors has been necessary to bring this about. It was necessary to have people who had undergone trained within the tradition, who understood it intimately, and who had great appreciation and faith for the beauty and gifts it has to offer. Furthermore, we needed people who have enough clarity to see the weaknesses of the tradition, and enough compassion to be moved by the suffering caused by the blindpoints of traditional structures. Moreover, these people needed the strength, wisdom and conviction to heal the blindspots. For example, when they seeing injustice of suffering caused by traditional structures (especially, in this case, those denying full ordination and participation for women in monastic life) it was necessary to look deeply into the texts, and see if indeed the Buddhas original intentions and teachings support the assumptions underlying traditional structures. Furthermore in doing this sort of work, in challenging ideas that have long been held as sacred, one inevitably faces strong opposition; so it has also taken enormous strength and stamina to stand against the main currents of the river and to investigate.

Over the last few years, meditators and scholars like Bhante Sujato, Ayya Tathaaloka and Ven. Bhikkhu Bodhi have had the dedication, clarity and strength to undertake this sort of investigation. By looking deeply into the traditions in which we exist and examining the ways in which they have grown, and the assumptions that underlie them, they have been able to expose these assumptions, and enable us to see our traditions in a new light; and have allowed us to separate the original intentions of the Buddha from cultural accretions. By doing these monastics have been able to create new currents within the vast river of our tradition, and to allow the causes and conditions to flow that support bhikkhuni ordination.

This work had been going along steadily and quietly for a long time – largely disregarded and ignored in little side-streams and backwaters, but having no real impact on the main flow of events. In July 2007, however, there was the International conference about bhikkhuni ordination in Hamburg. Ayya Tathaaloka, Bhante Sujato and Ven. Bhikkhu Bodhi as Theravadan monastics spoke clearly and intelligently about many of the assumptions that prevent the bhikkhuni sangha from taking root and flourishing. After these ideas were voiced in an international forum of this kind, the necessity for bhikkhuni ordination was no longer able to be swept aside by mainstream assumptions, but began to be more openly recognised and engaged with within the main currents of the river.

In November 2007 Bhante Sujato had the inspiration to invite bhikkhunis, nuns with various forms of ordination and women to Santi to discuss issues surrounding bhikkhuni ordination. This idea was enthusiastically taken up by the community here. At Santi, although we had the vision of a flourishing bhikkhuni sangha, as young nuns and nuns-to-be we felt alone and unsupported within our wider context which had until recently has denied the existence and necessity of a bhikkhuni sangha. We were not stepping into a context and structure that was already formed and guaranteed support and respect as the monks do; but as young nuns, still feeling very tender and in need of guidance, we felt as if we were stepping into nothing, and that we had to build the bridge as we walked on it.

Appropriate that Santi should provide the space for the first such gathering conference within the Forest Tradition. The land that our monastery is built on was generously provided by Venerable Nirodha, the first Nun to ordain on Australian soil. Bhante Sujato is the abbot, a monk whose conviction about the necessity of a bhikkhuni sangha stems from his compassion in seeing the suffering caused when the desire to go forth and live the monastic life in its full form is denied, and from his deep contemplation and intimate knowledge of the early Buddhist texts which provide a clear vision of the necessity of the four-fold sangha. Our wonderful monk brothers, Bhante Jaganatha, Bhante Mettabha and Bhante Tapassi have supported us and are with us every step of the way. Also, we have the support of many lay-people, both near and far, who see that the time for the flourishing of the four-fold sangha has come, and who support us with their enthusiasm and energy on many levels.